Monday, October 14, 2013

Getting Over A Long Term Relationship

This post is completely un horse related.  Just an FYI.

In fact it's pretty personal.  On the horse front, I have a massage appointment and a chiro appt for Pony this weekend....wish us luck!

As I have mentioned on my blog before....I have a boyfriend.  Or had.  Definitely had.  

We broke up, less than a week ago, after three long years together.  In fact our three year anniversary would have been yesterday.  Really sucks, huh?

I am writing this blog entry to lend the advice that I have learned should anyone ever stumble across this entry in the right place at the right time.

Truth be told, I'm doing really well.  Honestly.  Surprising right? Well people, our relationship was never a picture perfect Nicholas Sparks movie.  It had its up and downs.  Lots of downs.  But we honestly loved each other and why give up on someone you love? So here I sit, three years later reminiscing about everything that I am feeling and have learned.  He was my first love, he was my only love.  I have been with him since I was fresh out of high school and 18 years old.  Guess what? I never would have started riding horses if I hadn't dated him.  I never would have found my Pony.  I never would have matured, and as stupid as it sounds, since it was a semi long distance relationship (I was only able to see him on the weekends, he lives about 40 miles away from me) I was able to figure out how to be alone while I was with him.  Therefor, I created a life for myself away from him and I figured out how to be happy alone and not just base your happiness on who your with. 

So although no one asked for advice, I'm giving it to you anyways.

1.  You are not responsible for other peoples happiness.
Your not.  You are responsible for yourself, and that is it.  I think that my ex is not a very happy person with himself, and how can he love me if he doesn't love himself? It finally got to the point where I wasn't enough of a distraction to not deal with himself.  
2. Change is scary.
It is.  But change would have been just as scary if I dealt with it when we first started having problems. Don't let your fear of an alternative change your decision of what you can do now.  What is it that is so scary about breaking up? Is it the fear of the pain your going to feel? Probably.  That and the lifestyle change your going to have to face.  But guess what? Change isn't always bad.
3. Its okay to feel how your feeling.
I honestly feel like I should be more upset.  But I'm not.  I feel slightly relieved.  Our relationship had been lacking what we needed for a long time, and now there is a weight of anxiety that is no longer there.  And guess what? Thats okay to feel.  It doesn't mean I didn't love him, and it doesn't mean that I was in some abusive relationship.  It just means that clearly, we are moving in the right direction, just without eachother.
4. Don't over think things.  
So I'm not uber upset. Does this mean that the hysterics and broken heart is going to hit me in a few weeks and I'm going to be a wreck? I don't know, and frankly I don't care.  Take things as they come. 
5. Take things a day at a time.
Don't think about 'the wedding that may never happen now' or the 'valentines day you'll have to spend alone' or the next six months single.  Think about how your going to make today the best day possible. And tomorrow, think about how its the best day you can make from it.  
6. Realize your freedom
Seriously.  Now that your not in a relationship you can take that semester of studying abroad, or you can take a road trip just for shits and giggles, and do whatever crazy things you want without needing to answer to anyone.  Just realizing that makes it seem slightly less shitty.
7. Imagine the possibilities.
As I stated, now you can do whatever crazy thing you want. You can travel, you can fall in love with the perfect boy in a foreign country.  You can marry a movie star.  Yeah, daydream.  It's good for your soul.
8. Give your horse a hug
Seriously.  But if your feeling shitty, don't ride.  That only makes things worse if you have a bad ride.
9. Do what feels right
Flirting is fun.  Don't overthink things yet again.  If something feels right, then do it.  Don't hold yourself back because it isn't the conventional what you should do when you break up with someone thing to do.  Honestly, do what feels right.  Have that friend that you always had chemistry with but you were too busy dating someone for three years? Hit him up and get dinner, that doesn't make you a bad girlfriend.
10. Cry on your moms shoulder
My family isn't very close.  Like, not about personal things.  Well guess what? I called my mom crying and it was the best decision I made.  My family has been sooooo supportive of me. 
11. Remove yourself from the situation.
Seriously.  I went to my exes facebook page the night of the breakup so that I could hide his posts from showing up on my newsfeed.  Guess what? He had already deleted me as a friend, as well as deleted me off of snapchat, and blocked me on instagram.  He handled it really shittily, but the effect was the same.  I didn't even have the option of looking up what he was doing, and it has made it so much easier.  Your broken up, and its over.  As much as you might want to see if he's out with his friends at the bar, it'll only make you feel shittier.  I know because I had one friend that posted pictures of them out, and it made me realize that not being able to see his profile made it out of sight and out of mind and that was much nicer on me.  Moving on takes time, and unfortunately that's shitty because there isn't any hack for making time pass faster, you just have to wait it out.  However, waiting it out while not knowing what he is up to makes it easier. Because honestly, you can't 'resist the temptation' to check on his page. It's impossible.
12. Immerse yourself in things you love.
Turns out theres a roping clinic this weekend and next weekend that I get to participate in! And there I go, immersing myself in things that I enjoy and things that are social and I can do without thinking about how I'm single.  Go out with friends.  Ride your Ponies.  Go to the pumpkin patch.  Hit up old friends. Make new friends.  The busier you are, the more you get to realize that life goes on with or without him in your life.
13. There is someone else out there for you. 
Seriously.  You will not die alone because this is the only man that you are ever supposed to be with.  True story.  You will move on, and you will find another to love.

Breakups suck.  Theres no getting around it.  But there is a right way and a wrong way to deal with a breakup.  Don't let the breakup rule your life. You decide how you life your life, and you are solely responsible for yourself and your happiness. No one else is responsible for your happiness.  Remember that.

Hopefully someone else can find solace in what it took me three years of an up and down relationship to learn.

3 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear about your breakup, glad to read you're ok though :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Breakups suck and are tough but you gotta keep trucking on because life doesn't stop.

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